so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
