Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize