First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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