theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
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My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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