dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
