I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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