I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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