I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
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i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
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Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?