She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How's your threesome situation going?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.