someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
nutella sex= disaster
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.