Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge