i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
