i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
