i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
