you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
