how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
