and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
