Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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