I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
