he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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