Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
