We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
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just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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