I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
