just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
