That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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