Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
