do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
