I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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