i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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