better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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