perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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