How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
