I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
