He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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