what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
