I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
