Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
