I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
