I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
