Pants 0. Shit 1.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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