I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
