I can tuck mytits in my pants
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
