I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
