that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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