I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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