Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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