I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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