just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
