id be glad to
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
