May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
of course. lets lasso hookers.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
