I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
