I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize