I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
