I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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