Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
