THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
