Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
