i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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