Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
