around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize