watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
